Friday, August 13, 2010

see-saw recovery...

So I got a call from a person who fascinates me everyday more and more.

"WAKE UP!", she called.

loool, I'm here writing in my blog that has been quiet for too long.

I guess this past year I have saved alot of people from my "abstract thinking".

Why was I away, you ask? I don't really know, but entering the "real world" shocked me, to an extend.

Don't worry, I'm well, and spirit is good alhmdu le Allah. Ya, I agree, I am slower than I was, and you will properly find me more blank minded than I ever was!

But Allah is Raheem is Kareem, He always shows me the right way and protects me from the world and most importantly "my self"!

Alhmdu le Allah,

hmm...I'm trying to find a metaphor that will make my example clearer...(but I've been away too long from my chmc. engr thinkers that I'm finding difficulty finding a good one)....

Basically I'm on a see-saw...then someone* comes at the other end and takes me up up up...then they go away and I'm falling quickly deep down down down...

From the impact I'm shocked and dazed, but slowly I'm going up, then a bit down then up...till nsha Allah, I will find my self balanced on this see-saw.

Not too high up and not too down, just right!

It is just finding that secure balanced spot!

And here is the lesson! Sometimes we don't see the world the way we should, the realistic way. We tend to fantasy the world. We see a world of Islam so perfect so strong so pure...and then we get shocked to "reality"! Alot of us go into depression or shock mood or live a negative perspective (toward this world/ppl).

We blam everything and everyone on this world...and just the thought of people for us is "augh"!!!

But we forget, that instead of blaming this world, shouldn't we blame our selves, and teach our selves?

We forget that our way of viewing and living this fantasy in the first place was in it self the wrong step...

Don't get me wrong Islam is perfect it is is truly "Noor"!

But do we forget why we are put in this world in the first place?!

This world is not perfect this world is not pure...and our Nafs...oh don't forget these nofos! Its natural characteristics is to be the total opposite of "Noor".
So, how can we expect from it perfiction?

And here is the test!
Reality is not perfect but our Islam is, how can we work with that?

This is what I've been going through, I saw everything in purity and perfection and expected everything to be purity and perfection in one go**!!

I've lived a fantasy. A fantasy that in reality does not exist! And thus confusion and frustration and as the see-saw example, shocked and dazed from the impact!

But slowly...along the way...Allah (sub7ana w ta3ala) guides me, shows me, the right way. The first few steps of the right way being told to me from someone I did not expect to learn from or being shaking by someone to wake up and "yala work!"

Small things here and there that slowly takes me up (and all of us have these small things here and there). Sometimes it's too little to notice but it's there!
~ alhmdu le Allah ~

I am still dazed...and not as "quick" as I was, but I'm recovering alhmdu le Allah and trying not to let the "shock" get to me! "Shake it off"...and may Allah always guide us to His "Noor".


* when I say "someone" not necessery a certin name.

** This world is not perfect and our nofos isnt either, but we should always strive to perfect our nofos to purfiy that we can get closer to the "Noor" we might not get to its most high purity but we need to strive!

Listen to "what is Ihsan?"

1 comment:

Muna said...

I miss those abstract discussions too... :)

I agree with you on what you said about purifying the nafs...

throughout our lives nshallah we will keep learning and becoming better nshallah... (قد أفلح من زكاها)

You know, I also learned that we should forgive ourselves and not blame ourselves too much... I realized that sometimes we hurt ourselves more than outside realities... I'm reminding myself with this because I am still guilty of it hehe... nshallah kheir... :)

missing you sweetiee...