So here i am !!
Not sure what to say...its funny how weird it feels that you dont know what you really want?!!
Alhmdu le Allah all is well, and yet there is this empty void .. that doesnt seem to know how to be filled!?
I do have certain desires and likes, but i dont always have the control to "Get them".
In life things are tough, yes everything we face we face for a reason and nothing we face is greater than us..but we need to "have faith and hold on" .. it is our self that breaks us not the things that we face!
our own selves is our biggest challenge.
Yes this is life, and there is always good and bad, and yes it is only a journey to where we meant to be..but we can still make this journey easy cant we?
I mean the road can be bumpy, we don't have the capacity to fix the whole road so what we can do to make it a bit bearable for us. like placing a Cochin on our seat to decrees theses bumps from hurting our backs.
without that Cochin the road will seem longer and our back will ache so much that we can not focus on enjoying the view or anything else for that matter.
This is what i am facing now,
I am in a journey and there are so many things that is making this journey harder and making me weaker and not give my self what it deserves. But how can it reach its best while carrying all this "package"that is pulling it down?
This package..is a required on this road in this journey.
So how i see it is that i need to change the road..we are still going on the same journey just the road is different and that other road doesn't have the same package that is pulling me down as requirement.
SO i will have complete control on my self in this journey i will move faster.
i haven't tried but with the research that i have done and asked the others in the other road, it seems that it is the case!
I asked for the ticket to go to that road but the ticket was refused not for any good reason but rather "just because.." and there is no room to discuss or explain...just because and that's it!
SO now i am stuck in this road with that package that is doing no good to me,,just pulling me down...and making it harder for me to enjoy the journey or even do anything else while i am in this journey. Because it is basically tying my hands and pulling me down.
Frustration, anger, sadness..feeling of lost and depression...
all fighting the feeling of FAITH!
"Just have faith...just have faith" something that i keep reminding my self and if and when i forget i find it as indirect message being sent to me....just have faith.
Cuz Doáa is stronger than any being, any requirements, any logic....because when The Devin says "BE and it will BE!!... end of story....
so when i am told, that what you require ( to move to the other road ) is not the 7th but rather the 20th miracle of the wonders of the world.....i smile with in and think "BE and it will BE!!" ......
Its a consistent war with in... there is this belief.... i see it so clearly and i desire it so badly.....
yet a small voice with in asks..."but ...are you sure its the right thing? " ""are you sure that you really know what is good for you? and are you sure that you are 100% rational with your desire?! ...that its not for escape? escape for the bad road that you dont like or escape from someone on that road? or maybe its just a feeling of pride that i am better that this road?! "
A storm within a storm, and yet i have to stay calm stay going stay strong...
when sometimes all i want is freeze ever thing and collapse and cry!
I know all will be well, Allahs will is greater than anyones...and Allah will always choose the best for us no matter what, i know that there is soooooooooooooooooooooooo much to be thankful for sooooooooooooooooooooooo much that makes me feel special......
but why then is this void still here...till the day it gets filled...some how....how can i stay strong?