I am in a stage in my life where you can say reality hit me! Not that its good or bad but just still dazed, i guess.
First of all I must start with saying "alhamdu le Allah" "alhamdu le Allah" for all the blessings that Allah sub7ana has blessed me with every day.
I have been wandering reflecting thinking all my life, maybe mainly when I entered university.
I enjoyed this thinking process, but now I am learning that the way I took it was not very "healthy" and a trick. It is good and is required to think and reflect about life and about your self but you must know till when and how deep.
I guess I was trying really hard to find answers for everyting. I always felt that there is something I am missing something that I am doing wrong or is suppose to do to be better and to have a better stronger future.
The past didn't bother me as much as the future. There is something right now I am suppose to do to prevent something bad from happening later on, I kept telling my self. I learned this from life, I always see around me that you need to be two steps ahead. You need to know what you want to do later on and start working on that now so you can reach that goal. In my case that was hard!
Its never really clear to me what i need to do later on. And when I think I know my goal, it easily gets lost with all the details and confusions I face everyday. The goal is blurry and thus I go into that circle of reflecting and wandering again to find it and again it gets lost by time.
Now after I have learned that this way that I was living is slowly waring me down and getting me no where and because there are major resposiblties waiting for me around the corner, I am teaching my self a new technique. And that is not to reflect and try to find answers as much!
I mean this reflecting and wandering is becoming a trick. A trick for me to loss focus easily on what I should do and a trick to make me weaker and more confused.
I was told from a wise person, why complicate things when everything can be solved with just raising your hands and praying. "Oh Allah! guide me on what I should do now!!" its that simple!
Why expect things that did not happen and why try to answer everything. There are things that don't need to be answered but can be answered by ignoring them for now and working on your self.
We are put into situations that we might not like and want it to change or be another. We wander and think why is this so why are we in this situation, did we do something wrong and what do we need to do now to fix it. Instead of wandering and thinking and trying to find answers that you most probably wont be able to find, why not use the situation. Learn from the situation and use the situation for your advantage.
Believe that you are in this situation for a good reason and you must have faith that everything will be alright just use what is given to you for your advantage, regardless what you think is best.
Just use the situation for you to learn, develop and become stronger. Its a challenge for you to become a jewel.
"A jewel will not become a jewel only under extreme purser" - and what is a jewel? it is rare, expensive, beautiful and very strong!
So push your "nafs"! it is crying now saying this is too hard I don't like this I feel like this and I desire that, be the boss of it for once! Push your nafs to work in this situation regardless if it likes it or not!
We live all our lives with our nafs controlling us. "not in the mood for this now" "don't feel like it" "I want this now!!!" and we run to full fill its demands and we forget that it will not take us far.
Our nafs might take us to places but places really close to home, and you will be the same person you are, lost confused and frustrated not knowing what you want from life!
Accept that situations that you are in, learn to live with it and have faith that it is for your benifit. Push your nafs to work and be happy in this situation and pray to be guided and to be strong always.
"Just have faith" that simple that strong that clear.
and don't fall into the traps of your nafs, not everything needs to be easy, not everything needs to have an answer, just keep going and have faith and you will find your self in places you have never imagined.