Friday, December 25, 2009

movies for kids! and we are serprised why they are like this??

I just finished watching parts of a Disney movie...for children!!! Other than the part that I hate myself for doing so, but I’m even more frustrated at the movie...and at us!!!I couldn’t believe it! The things that our kids are watching, the things that they are learning...all packaged up in one pretty gift box with an even prettier ribbon?! I was wondering why kids this generation are becoming so "un-kiddish" like (innocent and pure)...and it's because we let them watch such un-innocent, un-pure things...that stuff them with "TRASH"....trash that by time will grow and rot and stink up the whole place! What did I see in these movies?...i don’t want to go into details, they are not highlighted loudly in the movies, but its more of the small hint here and the small glimpse there...small but are powerful....and what is more scary is that you don’t realize it...because it's so small! They play with the subconscious, in the background, affecting you, "rotting" our innocence and purity! It’s just shocking. What is the mind behind all this thinking? Can someone truly be this "Evil"??And we fall into it so easily?!The funny thing about it is that true it’s all wrapped by a pretty ribbon, but’s a cheap ribbon!It’s not great acting, nor a great story, not even a great plot...Believe me, "we" as in Muslims, can do way better than that! The only great thing that it has is promotion, and the things they use that the "nafs" loves...that how they attract our pure, innocents sweeties (children).Then...why don’t we do it? Why don’t we give them the better? Cover and SAVE them...from rotten and totally stinking from inside,Isn't it our Amana or responsibility??As our beloved Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him said, "...كلكم راع وكلكم مسؤال عن رعيته"

What can we do? any ideas?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

a school trip with the "me me me"

"‘7LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!" I yelled. I don’t think I ever yelled this loud or can ever do!I couldn’t handle it any more. I was surrounded from all over! Screams, yells, a tag here and pull there! And a lonely heart and the eyes of a girl who said, “Help me! Why did you leave me?” !? I couldn’t handle it! I yelled, and for one second everything stopped and all eyes were on me! Puzzled? Shocked? Scared???I turned around quickly, and told the other teacher, "I'm getting dizzy I need to go now". She said, " Ya go sit eat something, but I just kept on walking straight quickly without waiting or looking at any one!" Then I started tearing up, but I kept on walking straight…What did I do? What did they do? What can I do? Oh….then the adhan went! Sub7ana ALLAH.I was just too upset to even enjoy that moment! Are those little innocent girls evil? Or are we the evil or made them evil? I can't deny it anymore. They are not as I expected…not as colorful...not as joyful...not as pure as I always imagined it will be! All I see, is the nafs...the nafs of a grown person, full of greed, hate, jealousy, and well basically, the “me me me” attitude …Regardless of who you are, what you do, there's no respect for you because it's all about "me me me"!?? How did this happen? Why did this happen? And how can this be UN-happened??

And suddenly it became clear to me where the other teachers hopelessness and helplessness came from. Why they kept on saying, "Oh no point of this Habibti stuff with the girls. It's all about respect and order." I went into the school hopeful that I could teach the girls about love and creativity, hopeful that I could be a different type of teacher, and I hung onto that hope for the longest time because I used to think the children were so innocent, that it was not their fault they were the way they were. Yet here I am now frustrated by how giving them love made them grow into bigger monsters, and enforcing order and respect blotted out the love and creativity that both the student and the teacher should have.

In this obvious dillemma, what can we do?"

Sunday, December 13, 2009


its so hard not to get caught up with all the negtive thoughts negtive attudies and belives?
I came to school, as a teacher's assistent expecting a world of love, passion and innocents, i knew that i wont find it with the teachers or even the books, but atleast i expected to find it with in the girls. the cute little girls, see the love to learn, the love to live, be colorful to be "wild". But to my serprise i didnt! I rarely feel this love and innocents, and by time it started to get to me.
Since i had a small spark of light, it soon died when it did not get enough O2 and other sparks.
My spark wasnt able to live on its own, it is still small and weak to be able to light up the whole room (the world!). My spark needs to grow needs to glow, it needs to find O2 and other sparks to make it bigger. My spark isnt ready to face the world as it is, becuase it is dying slowly, and I am afraid that by time it will loss all its power all its light and then the room will become dark, dark as everyones dark worlds, and i dont want to make my world dark and make all that is around me dark again.

I need to focus on my self, my own "spark" and teach it to grow, to portect it self from the wind and all the dark thoughts that wants to cover it. I am not ready now to light up the rooms