Wednesday, July 6, 2011

illusion of control?!

So here i am, still wandering where to go! focus is my biggest challenge.
i try to control where im going and what I'm doing, cuz that is how things are in the world.
You need to plan, organize and calculate your next hard is that! for me at least!!
Its not that i cant do it, i can but it is so hard for me!

Yet its interesting "You must let go of the illusion of control!". Live the moment, and have faith...
(some of the masters would say)

i haven't reached what i am with planing, cuz i never really knew where i should go really, but Sub7ana Allah, its small things here and there that came my way taught me things that helped me develop helped me build on what i have and helped me see the world in a different way.

I am designer and educator (my passion with no place)...could i have told you that 2 years ago? what about 2 years to come (insha Allah) where will i be? will i give you a place? a book? or...?

Its funny, you have the things that you enjoy and feel passionate about, sometimes you do just stare at them wandering what you can do with like them you enjoy them but...then what?

I enjoy the "process" and "discovery" that one goes through in this life, yet i feel that there is no time no room for these things in "reality"!

You need to plane, you need to calculate and move fast! or you wont survive!!?

This is where i loss my self, don't know what i am about, and where am i suppose to move and how fast.
am i complicating it here? i dont know, but really i cant!!

Life is about name, about location...about that portfolio those certificates that you will show others and see..."ohh good so you are NOT waisting your time!!" ... no name no location no papers ..."why are you even alive??!!"

its frustrating at times, cant i be a productive person the way i am? cant i be productive in my process? im developing i am...
but sorry i dnt know of any organization that can give me certificates and recommendations on how i have developed to show you!

Every day is lesson, but we have to take it as that, a lesson to be better, we are not perfect but we have good qualities and ya maybe others that we need to "control our self" with...but we need to learn and change and become better.
Not for others, because, well...others are not you, don't know what you are about and what you can be...they want you to be like them!

"Dont be someone else's perfect!" a quote that i love.

We forget that and get caught up with pleasing others, cuz we measure how "good" we are with others "view" on us!

it is important and useful to take time off in the day, where you are with your self, reflecting on where you are, how you came to where you are, what moves you (forget the "needs" and "reality" wat ever ppl say) really? what makes you heart jump just thinking of it?...then reflect some more on your blessings, think of this world how it is nothing really...ppl are just ppl...thy have no control over anything, even though they say and think that thy dont either!
Then turn to your Lord, do 2 rak3a of shukor (Thanks) and just talk to Him!

tell Him Sub7ana how you are weak, how you want to do so much but dont know where to go, how no one understands you and always putting you you are afraid that you might be falling behind...

Pray for gaudiness...and well....have FAITH!
"have faith" 2 words that i was told my my design professors in you 3rd year of design!
Big slap on the face!!

"have faith" sometimes its that simple!!
"have faith" .....


* Live the moment,
* Learn for the moment,
* Push you self to become better,
* Keep moving even if you dont know where you are going.
* reflect,
* and most importantly HAVE FAITH!
(have faith in your Lord and all that He sub7ana has made you and blessed you with!)