Ok so I’m sitting in the internet cafe. Feeling so “augh” and so dead…really! Throw me out to the trash I’m just dragging around...and I’m so tired …. (I’ve been like this for a couple of days now) n don’t know why!
And I’m here trying to answer Ur request…really?? Wat am I thinking?!!
“hw can u think of smthn nice if ur feeling so “augh”y?”
(big breath…Rup face…) ok sweets…
just 2day I was watching some old home videos of us 10 years ago..(since I recently changed them to DVD 2 b able to see them) …
I see the things that we said, the way we acted…oh my God how can I be so cruel...so selfish...hw could my sis stand me doin tht?? why aren’t I patient? augh at me!
Then I wandered wat happened…Alhmdu le Allah I am more considered now... (or trying to be; p)...but why how???
Was there one event that just POOOF altered my view of life and how I am? No!
Was there one person that by one word from their mouth POOOF altered my view of life and how I am? No!
There were a lot of events, lots of situations and a lot of people!
Of course some bigger then other, and people who touched u or moved “a piece” of u, that till now u feel their presences...
But it is not just ONE...its a copination of lots of things...
like a class tht u need to go point by point... learn ur A B Cs first then ur Spelling then grammer ect. to be able to understand and be a great writer… (for ex.)
Same thing here...everythn everyone I met, helped me take a step fwd into smthn…n frm it reaching thngs I never thought I would!
Sometimes we are so annoyed at ourselves or life or wat ever…not knowing where to go or wat to do...or how can u be better…
then u are put into a situation for example the president of a club…known that ur not a leading type or organizer…
n from it u find things that u had in ur self that u never thought existed or ever imagined u will be able to handle it!
Then, with those situations, you are viewed differently by others and even yourself, and know u have more respoislbilty and willing-ness to find “the right way” … and the search begins.
then you meet others who have found their way, and your just amazed at them and that gets you more eager to be like that…strong and focused...thoes ppl don’t know it but they are moving some parts of u, tht u didnt even thought will be ever moved..now ur more eager to know learn and be like that…
then there are the hard lessons, when those ppl that u see n gave u this strength and eagerness (That thy didn’t even know they were doing so!) disappear…how lost and weak and “sad” …and like a small child yelling and crying “I WANT THAT!!! NOW!!” … and ur killing ur self from the inside… going to the darkness...
such a “challenge” stays for a while, till you realize ur making ur life n livable…and well ur a live…so make it a bit easier on ur self…
so u work harder, pulling ur self up…a small part of u still yelling and crying for thoes ppl..who moved u so n thy don’t know…but the other part knows that u need to keep moving or ull b a living dead!!
So you mange moving, learning small things here and there, meeting people here and there that teach u small things or even teach u to be careful not to fall into wat others has fallen to…still not in peace but ur moving…
than out of nowhere…something happens…something that u never thought would or even imagined it!!
It just happens...it mght sound like a simple thng, but with all tht u have gone through all that u have learned…all the questions that u’ve been asking…it just makes u not stop smiling!
Is that the life changing experience? no!…it is the process that one has gone through…u know why…
cuz even this thing that come out of the blue, the moves u big time and keeps u smiling and makes ur heart skip a beat..
this “life changing” thing…CHANGES…it MOVES as well…
and ur faced with other challenges …
That is how it is! it is not that ONE thing that ONE person that with POOOOOOOF ur perfect world ur perfect world!
Rather the “process of life” (wooow I was trying so hard not to use “process” again since I killed this word by using it so much but wat can I say;p !)
n u know wat…like everything that u have faced, as worried scary or hard…it has passed and got u a step closer…and as the people that u have met, touched and loved…has left and disappeared…thy also got u a step closer…
a step closer to wat? I don’t know … but know in ur heart that it is somewhere AMUZING!
“Just have faith” (someone once told me)
