Tuesday, October 12, 2010
just keep swimming but know when to stop!
سبحان الله وبحمده سبحان الله العظيم
اللهم يا مؤنس كل غريب وياصاحب كل وحيد يا ملجأ كل خائف يا كاشف كل كربة أسألك ان تقذف رجاءك في قلبي حتى لا أرجو غيرك و أنتجعل لي من أمري فرجا ومخرجا إنك على كل شي قدير ..
Truly He sub7ana w ta3ala is the only one who knows what is right and what we must do! Oh Allah guide me to Your light!
Today i talked to her in her office, i told her you gave me something that i can not do, i can not take this responsibility i can not teach!
I told her it is a big responsibility, and i am like this losing the rights of these kids, the school and my self!
so she asked me " so what do you want to do ?"
me " well hmm.. i guess in my field, in design!"
she replied " ya okay, but i felt after all the design work we gave you last year you were going crazy and sick of design ?!! "
me " that is true, because of the enviorment and the way it is given to me, I'm like this...when someone keeps on going on and on in my head yallah where is the work yalla hurry..i get stressed!! ... and ya the project was big which i didn't imagine it will be but its okay in the end..." "in all cases, i can not take this responsibility of teaching and its bring out my worst side, i started scream in and doing things i don't like...so really I'm not helping them or my self or even the school here..."
anyways, so she started giving me solutions, so and so has experience and she can give you some skills to teach you to deal with the girls...and stuff like that...
me " hmm...okay ill be honest I'm thinking of giving in my reasoning letter ..."
her " oh....then that's a different story! ... you can do what you want!"
then she went on with the "BUT"...
(its funny when your in such situation you end up playing "tennis" if you know what i mean...if you serve hard...you know what they will serve harder...cuz u served hard!)
this is not professional, and you left last year without a prior notice..i understand it was out of your hand, but we need to be more professional still...and now u want to resigned...and you know the rules about resigning that you have to give us a 2 months notice, is this 2 months?
you can do what you want BUT this will affect your professionalism and you are already professional and ethical in your work.. (alhmdu le ALLAH) ... and it will not look good for you, if any one asked us about you in the work field ...
BUT you can do what you want...
ya3ni basically it was like this serving...something then BUT...
the school is in a critical stage...no teachers and big issues like that...so everyone is in a critical stage..and the principle is in such big stress...ALLAH ye3enha..
So is what I'm doing is wrong? should i stop this "teaching" thing?? i mean, i am serious when i say it is bring out my bad side!! should i take this a challenge to my self...that no matter how bad the situation around me is i can be stronger then it all???
but you know...i got the idea about education, what is it and what it is needed...i started to see "reality" in its true form...i took off my pink glasses to see the true of things!...
but if i stay in it longer it will destroy me or suck me to the darkness side...
cuz there is still so much i want to learn, so much i need to teach me self...i know sometimes you need to just "JUMP IN THE DEEP END AND TEACH YOUR SELF TO SWIM"
but, if you stay too long in the deep end you will get tiered and eventually sink!!
We need a break to catch our breath and find someone to give us a point or do about swimming before we try again!
As a freshly graduated student...there is still so much to learn about reality and my capacity in it!
We learned and taught some skills..but it was in "bubble" if we can say...away from reality! So after taking these skills, i didn't know reality, i had this image that was soo UN-real!! I had the skills but not the true knowledge and experience...so i had to jump int he deep end to feel the water feel the deepness and try to use some skill s and see what works and Wat doesn't..
But i cant stay for too long! Ill drown! So here i am...
i try to give everything a chance, i try to learn more about whats going on around me and within me!
and now its time to move on, move to learn more in a new place!
So, insha Allah Allah will guide me and He will always help me to do the right thing in the right time! and help me not get my nafs, own masla7a and desires come through...
I will give the school my 7aq for it (which is 2 months) and then...nsha Allah bye bye =)
What i learned from the school either then the fact, it gave me a big slap in the face to wake up and see reality as it truly is not through my pink glasses!
- experience in teaching (and knowing my limits! (-i am still open to learn more about education and teaching skills but not now!)
- Experience in dealing with different people different ages.
- Experience in a professional "company"
- A chance to design books =D alhmdu le ALLAH, i have tryed to styles of books =D and i am so graful to Allah for that! I left a basmah ;) (oh by the way she told me that if you stay you will get more work in design containing working on the books, and we want it to look the same style and it will be great if u will do it but if you left than we will have to give t so someone else and the girls will get stuck of a design that does not work with them ...hmm =? ...but from the ministry if i left the work i cant do anything for them not even design as my freelancing job! )
- A chance to go to workshops, listen to people, and visit places and try new things (from doing a workshop, doing a presenting for teachers, doing activities in the class, doing performance with the girls!)
fa alhmdu le ALLAH =D
May Allah always guide us to wat is best wat will be help ful for us and others, and bring this ummah up! and forgive us if we did something wrong, hirted someone or did someone out of our own desires and masla7a!
Dear friends, you have always been an inspiration for me, Allah Sub7na w ta3ala has always bout you in my journey to guide me and teach me! i always felt strong by your stringth i always felt more "faithful" by your faith and eman! ALLAH yes3dkum w yeserlkum omorkum kolha! alhmdu le ALLAH for this so7ba =)
you have always adviced me to do the right thing, so your thoughts and advices for me here will be appriecated ;)