Wednesday, December 23, 2009

a school trip with the "me me me"

"‘7LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!" I yelled. I don’t think I ever yelled this loud or can ever do!I couldn’t handle it any more. I was surrounded from all over! Screams, yells, a tag here and pull there! And a lonely heart and the eyes of a girl who said, “Help me! Why did you leave me?” !? I couldn’t handle it! I yelled, and for one second everything stopped and all eyes were on me! Puzzled? Shocked? Scared???I turned around quickly, and told the other teacher, "I'm getting dizzy I need to go now". She said, " Ya go sit eat something, but I just kept on walking straight quickly without waiting or looking at any one!" Then I started tearing up, but I kept on walking straight…What did I do? What did they do? What can I do? Oh….then the adhan went! Sub7ana ALLAH.I was just too upset to even enjoy that moment! Are those little innocent girls evil? Or are we the evil or made them evil? I can't deny it anymore. They are not as I expected…not as colorful...not as joyful...not as pure as I always imagined it will be! All I see, is the nafs...the nafs of a grown person, full of greed, hate, jealousy, and well basically, the “me me me” attitude …Regardless of who you are, what you do, there's no respect for you because it's all about "me me me"!?? How did this happen? Why did this happen? And how can this be UN-happened??

And suddenly it became clear to me where the other teachers hopelessness and helplessness came from. Why they kept on saying, "Oh no point of this Habibti stuff with the girls. It's all about respect and order." I went into the school hopeful that I could teach the girls about love and creativity, hopeful that I could be a different type of teacher, and I hung onto that hope for the longest time because I used to think the children were so innocent, that it was not their fault they were the way they were. Yet here I am now frustrated by how giving them love made them grow into bigger monsters, and enforcing order and respect blotted out the love and creativity that both the student and the teacher should have.

In this obvious dillemma, what can we do?"


YAZ said...

fatoosh i think u have been shocked by are not that sweet actually (they can be very mean) being bombarded by all crap from media, plus you never know how each of them is raised by their parents, or how is their environment at home, your job as a teacher is not to sympathize with them or be sweet and friendly, your job is to make them dream and think in a different way about their life and future. The whole issue when dealing with kids is wisdom, discipline and kindness, you should make those three combinations at the right time in the right situation, and that u will learn through practice. Sometimes at certain situations u have to b harsh, and at others you have to show more flexibility, but always make sure u don't lose control of your emotions. Plus try not to think in extremes, that is if i'm harsh there is no creativity or if i'm flexible creativity will nourish faster, it's not like that, learning is a different issue, u have to start off the mundane systematic way, to teach discipline, then after students become more familiar with the basic rules and regulations, they will find grounds to be creative, coz they already learned the basics. It all needs patience, but discipline always comes first, then wisdom, then kindness ... I sure u'll figure something out, u just hve to be stronger and dont blame yourself, teaching is not that easy, I am sure u will find your unique way of transferring your message :)

Grace said...

noor il fehm!!!

great blog! love it =)
its really a good start... and yes, how did you yell that loud?? i cant imagine that :p
well, honestly, sometimes u feel like doing it because that's the least u can do to show how discomfortable u are... i dont blame u...and ur question is very deep...what can we do? i think the shortest way to the solution is to go back in time and re-do the raising of those kids... impossible!!