"‘7LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!" I yelled. I don’t think I ever yelled this loud or can ever do!I couldn’t handle it any more. I was surrounded from all over! Screams, yells, a tag here and pull there! And a lonely heart and the eyes of a girl who said, “Help me! Why did you leave me?” !? I couldn’t handle it! I yelled, and for one second everything stopped and all eyes were on me! Puzzled? Shocked? Scared???I turned around quickly, and told the other teacher, "I'm getting dizzy I need to go now". She said, " Ya go sit eat something, but I just kept on walking straight quickly without waiting or looking at any one!" Then I started tearing up, but I kept on walking straight…What did I do? What did they do? What can I do? Oh….then the adhan went! Sub7ana ALLAH.I was just too upset to even enjoy that moment! Are those little innocent girls evil? Or are we the evil or made them evil? I can't deny it anymore. They are not as I expected…not as colorful...not as joyful...not as pure as I always imagined it will be! All I see, is the nafs...the nafs of a grown person, full of greed, hate, jealousy, and well basically, the “me me me” attitude …Regardless of who you are, what you do, there's no respect for you because it's all about "me me me"!?? How did this happen? Why did this happen? And how can this be UN-happened??
And suddenly it became clear to me where the other teachers hopelessness and helplessness came from. Why they kept on saying, "Oh no point of this Habibti stuff with the girls. It's all about respect and order." I went into the school hopeful that I could teach the girls about love and creativity, hopeful that I could be a different type of teacher, and I hung onto that hope for the longest time because I used to think the children were so innocent, that it was not their fault they were the way they were. Yet here I am now frustrated by how giving them love made them grow into bigger monsters, and enforcing order and respect blotted out the love and creativity that both the student and the teacher should have.
In this obvious dillemma, what can we do?"